Summer Series: Overcoming the Fear of Failure

 Our Summer Series is winding down and we thought we’d end the Law Grad stories with Fulvia–not only is she a recent law school graduate, but she passed the New York bar this February and is newly licensed!  Fulvia describes the fear and added stress many of us face(d) when studying for the Bar and how to push past it to meet your goals.

My name is Fulvia and I am a recent graduate of Syracuse University College of Law as well as a newly admitted attorney (as of June 22, 2015!). I am originally from New York City and recently moved to Binghamton, NY after accepting a staff attorney position with Legal Services of Central New York. I currently focus on unemployment insurance benefits, housing, and public benefits cases.

It is easy to put off thinking about the bar exam while you’re dealing with the anxiety of being a 1L and the stress of getting your life together as a 2L. I began my 3L year knowing I would be taking the February 2015 bar exam. At that point I was more excited about the idea of graduating having hopefully passed the bar exam than worrying about what bar prep would be like.

In November, I received my bar prep materials. I instantly ripped open the box, flipped through a few materials and panic slowly set in. At that moment the only question I could think of was “What if I fail?” Yes, even though I had done pretty well in law school for the last two and a half years, there was still that sense of fear about the bar exam.

I was the first person in my family to graduate high school, attend and complete college and go on to graduate school. While my family and friends back home celebrated each of my accomplishments as their own, I constantly struggled with making sure I never disappointed them. To my family and friends I could not fail the bar exam, I had achieved so much that my fear of failing the bar exam was simple unreasonable. Even when I took the time to explain what preparation and the actual exam would be like, I was met with the “oh Fulvia you worry for nothing,” comments that usually did not help ease my fear of disappointing them. And even on the days where my mom reiterated how much she loved me “law degree or not”, I still could not imagine disappointing the woman who works seven days as a housekeeper just to put me through law school.

I went home for the holidays expecting to find some stress relief in the midst of bar prep. WRONG! Family greetings where met with “Are you a lawyer yet?” “No, I’m studying for the bar exam right now” “Oh you’ll be fine!” And again I asked myself, “But what if I’m not?” Yes, you may be saying to yourself “well you were studying for the bar of course you were scared of the possibility of failing!” But to me it was beyond a feeling of failing an exam. I had decided to pursue this degree with the hopes of one day being able to not only provide for my family but also serve my community. My failure would feel like a disappointment not only to myself but also to the very people I hoped to be able to help with my law degree.

After returning home from the holidays I thought of what I needed from my family and friends to get through bar prep and overcome my fear of disappointing them. And here’s my advice to you if you find yourself in the same situation:

1. Ask your family to complement your efforts instead of downplaying what you’re doing to prepare for the bar exam. It seems obvious but hearing the words “I see you’re working really hard to prepare” feels A LOT better than “I don’t get why you work so hard.”
2. Remind them and yourself, that the bar exam is not a measure of your accomplishments or your capabilities as a future lawyer. It is but one of many hurdles that we face in this career.
3. On the rare occasion that you find yourself having time to call family and friends, ask them to not bombard you with questions about the exam. I know that we all come from big families who are always asking way too many questions, but it helps to have a few minutes in your day to discuss anything BUT the bar exam.
4. Lastly, let the passion that drove you to become a lawyer, be the drive to help you overcome the fear of failure. Fear is inevitable in this process, but never let it overshadow your dream of pursuing this career.

You can and will get through this! I hope to see you all on the other side of the “bar exam” as new attorneys!