When Family Emergencies Impact Law School

The unfortunate thing about law school is that you don’t go through it in a vacuum. Other people keep living their lives and experience milestones and setbacks while you’re trying to make it to the next semester. If big emergencies arise it can really affect your grades and law school trajectory in big ways. In my case, the morning we were supposed to register for our spring semester 1L courses–I spent the day sobbing because my father had been diagnosed with cancer (he’s healthy now, thank God). I was just an emotional wreck, and while I needed to let it all out emotionally, I ended up missing out on registering for the classes I wanted.

Now of course, in the big picture, figuring out how to handle my dad’s health was a bigger and more important concern than what my elective would be, obviously. But at the time, this horrible news seem to feel even heavier on top of having to fulfill all my academic obligations. It was just overwhelming.  Because law school is such a high-stress game, small and large emergencies from family and friends can accidentally derail us if we’re not careful.

I not only missed out on registration, but then I started obsessing on his illness, treatment, statistics–that I overlooked another deadline, which put me behind almost everyone else in regards to summer jobs. Emergencies like these can create a domino effect and it’s important to figure out ways to manage these problems before they cause further damage.

While I hope everyone’s law school journey is happy and bump-free, the possibilities are high that there will be something (or somethings) that come up that require your attention. This is more likely to happen because most of us have such strong bonds with our families and very likely our families also require a lot from us.

What can you do when you’re in the heat of law school finals, deadlines, competitions, and an emergency at home needs your attention?

The first thing to determine is whether you can actually help alleviate the problem or are you only available as a shoulder to cry on? Like in my dad’s case, there was nothing I could do. He didn’t even live in the same country as I did so the help I could even offer was minimal. Instead of realizing that there was little I could do, I let the emergency take over (to my detriment).

If there is something you can do to actually help, then you should make a realistic game plan of the help you can offer and then go your administration to ask for an accommodation. They are committed to ensuring students matriculate, so they do their best to help when a crisis arises, but they can’t help if they don’t know why you’re suddenly not attending classes. It is really hard to talk to basic strangers about family issues, but if you’re committed to earning a J.D. then you need to acknowledge when you need help.

If the problem is out of your control and it really is only adding stress to your life then you should still reach out, but to the mental health services available at your school. There’s still a stigma regarding mental health, especially in the Latino community, but 1) no one has to know you’re seeking out this service and 2) there’s nothing wrong with going to a professional and asking for coping mechanisms when things are tough. I really wish I had sought out this service when I needed it in school because I ended up “coping” in unhealthy ways.

Finally, don’t let family obligations deter you from your goals–that sounds harsh, especially if there is a serious emergency (and I don’t mean ignore everything and anything just so you can get good grades), but what I mean is that as Latinas we often feel a strong pull towards home. Research shows that Latinos worry more about family obligations than White peers, and identify family obligations as an obstacle to earning their law degree. It is a good and noble thing to fight for and support your family; that is being quintessentially Latina. But you should not sacrifice your goals when you don’t have to! Figure out a way to make it work by relaying on the support services around you. Emergencies will happen, but you can figure out a way to overcome them.