The Vital First Steps to Take to Find Your Mentor

We’ve discussed before how awkward networking can be when you’re new to the profession. We’re told so often to “network!” during school, but it can be a foreign concept. Actually, to me it always felt icky that we’re going to these events to “make contacts,” which is often code for “what can this person do for me?”  See? Gross.

Instead, when I flipped this concept to make networking feel more reasonable for me, I found that I really enjoyed it. It can still be a little nerve-wracking to go to an event, unsure if I’ll know anyone, but it’s very rare when I go to something and feel like the out-of-place 1L I used to be. I bring up networking and its importance because unless you’re participating in formal mentorship programs (which I highly encourage)—networking is likely one of the best places you’ll find a mentor. If you’re a current student or new attorney, these mentorships will prove invaluable, but sometimes it’s hard to know where to even start.

Formal programs are great jumping off points, but even if you’re participating in those formal programs, I still encourage students to go out and try to form organic relationships that can lead to mentoring. If you’re trying to learn how to navigate this field, then you should make it a goal to attend events (cocktail hours, panels, symposiums) to meet new people and get a better sense of the legal community. If you find that a speaker’s or attendee’s career path strikes your interest, make sure to get their contact info. Introducing yourself is usually the hardest part, but if you can get over the fear to go say hi and ask for their card then that is half the battle.

Then, most importantly, is the follow-up. Make sure you send an email soon after to exchange contact info and seal the deal—maybe you want more info on their career path, specific firm, area of practice, etc. Ask if you can meet for coffee or if they’re too busy, see if you can first start the conversation via email. Though I would be cautious and say that the follow-up here should be “lite.” There’s no need to be pushy if you don’t hear from the person—you don’t want to come on too strong by revealing immediately that you want this person to be your mentor.

When I read in Lean In that some people just approach Sheryl Sandburg and ask her to mentor them, it made my mouth drop. I mean, that’s ballsy, but not in a good way. Mentoring takes time and to assume anyone is willing to do that isn’t very self-aware. Instead, take the time to form those connections, cast a wide net, and build it up slowly. If you do make it to coffee and things take off, then that’s really the best outcome when you’re out there forging these relationships.

And casting a wide-net is important. What I mean by that is that it’s not guarantee that your mentor will look like you. That’s just statistics—there are few Latina lawyers to go around so while I do encourage all of us to seek out our sisterhood and build a community within our demographic, I also think it’s vital that young students become comfortable with seeking out support from others. When I was in college, one of my mentors was an older Black professor—we had the most different background and experiences, but we had enough in common that I could go to him with questions, concerns, and he would help point me in the right direction. If I had, instead, waited for a Latina professor to do the same, I’d still be waiting because there were none during my time in college.

This early interaction with a mentor that was very different from me, kept me opening to learning from others that were different than me. They may not always understand my perspective or know why I’m hesitant to do something, but –most importantly–they know how to navigate the system and have become vested in helping me do well so share their knowledge with me. That’s really always the goal.

Finally, (and I wish this didn’t have to be said) there are certain things we may encounter as women in the law, and it would be naïve to act like inappropriate behavior may not come into play when we’re interacting with men in power. While I wish only appropriate and supportive mentorships on you, realize that you have a right to end a mentorship that feels uncomfortable. Sometimes, as women, we put up with a lot to be polite, to not make waves, to not lose out on opportunities—but some mentorships don’t work out, it’s not a one-size fits all approach. If it’s not working—for whatever reasons– feel free to move on.