Do You Ever Need to Tone It Down At Work?

“It” being your latinidad?

Ok so first, if you’re not watching Insecure–do what you must to get HBO because this show is so amazing! I’ve been a huge fan of Issa Rae forever–from Awkward Black Girl to Ratchet Piece Theater and even love her brother’s show The Fly Guys. LOVE them.

Anyway, one of the characters is an attorney–a third year associate at a good firm. Molly has definitely learned how to play the part of  being a woman of color in a mostly white firm. There’s a story line  (video) where there’s a summer associate, a young black woman named Rashida, who either has not learned to adjust her demeanor in this Very White setting or does not care to change. It seems like it’s the latter, because Molly does her a solid and meets with her to gently tell her she should maybe switch it up and Rashida is (maybe rightfully) offended. She didn’t need to switch it up at her interview or to make law review so why should she do it now? In the end, however, Molly is right and Rashida learns a hard and embarrassing lesson from the partners.

I was fascinated by this story line! It’s two-fold really. The first being, why must we tone down or tone up our behaviors to fit white spaces? For a moment, I was rooting for Rashida to be able to be herself, in all her glory, and still succeed. But then I came back to real life and thought, no Molly is right. Every place has a work culture and office norms. Yes, many of them–especially in the legal field–were set by white people, but they are norms that are still in place, nonetheless. I get Rashida’s need to be like “I’m going to do me,” because it’s exhausting to always have to change yourself to make others comfortable. There is also the real fact that there really isn’t one way to be professional in regards to your speech pattern or animation.  The idea that a professional is just one way is based on, at best, arbitrary standards, but more than likely based on an idea formed by people in privilege that benefit from people who are “other” staying “other.”

So this is where I tell you to do you and fight back against those standards. Buuuuuut, not exactly. Look, I’ve accepted that I will never be radical enough for some people and that’s ok with me because my goal is always 1) get you in the door and 2) keep you in your practice so that you can 3) effect change from the inside. In a perfect world, Rashida wouldn’t have to tone it down. She could be herself and still show she’s a capable, intelligent attorney–but that’s not going to fly in the firm where she works and she won’t get an offer if she can’t show that she can read a room and abide by the cultural norms at that office. What’s the point of keeping it real if you won’t advance your goals?

So instead of saying you do you, boo. I’m going to offer up the option that you go into work/internships with your goal in mind. Do you want an offer? Do you want to make partner? Do you want to use this as a stepping stone in your career? Whatever it is–acknowledge your goal and then work towards it purposefully, which may mean switching it up. When you’re new to both your office and the work culture, take some time to adjust and find ways to fit in and then once you’ve proven yourself you can let your hair down.

The second point in this story line was about whether Molly had a duty to attempt to correct Rashida. She tried to do so informally–a WOC to WOC type thing, and was rejected. But then a White partner asked her to do it and Molly straight up did not want to be the “black girl translator.” For those of us who have been practicing for a while, do we have a “duty” to guide younger associates of color to act right? If I were Molly, I would be annoyed by Rashida’s response. And because I’m grudge-y af I’d probably be like “told you so” when Rashida got called into the partner’s meeting #pettywap. But I’m trying to be more generous, and there have been moments when I have seen interns do cringe-worthy things and sometimes I say something and sometimes I don’t. It really  just depends on the vibe of the person–are they receptive to feedback or is it not worth my time?

Regardless of where you fall on this topic, the show does a great job of showcasing the extra emotional baggage that comes with being a professional women of color. You have to gauge your own behavior to fit certain standards and then may be expected to police other people as well. It’s a lot. And again, it’s not fair or right, but until we make up more than .01% Partners, we’re going to have to work the system so that we can make big changes.